ADHD, Forgetfulness, and the Things We Lose Sight Of.

When the problem isn’t forgetting tasks, but forgetting yourself

What brought me to writing this wasn’t a missed appointment or a forgotten item on a to-do list.

It was the realisation that I couldn’t see the positive work I’d already done.

That quiet, unsettling sense that something was off, even though nothing obvious was “wrong.” So I did what I often do when my mind won’t settle. I opened my journal and started writing.

At the time, we were in a Chiron retrograde in Aries, and I chose to sit with a wound I couldn’t quite name.

What came back wasn’t new information.
It was a reminder.

The uncomfortable truth I was actually fine receiving

This might make you uncomfortable to read, but I was completely fine with the message that came through:

I’ve already done the work.
I was being reminded.

That mattered. Because my ADHD brain is very good at convincing me that if I can’t see progress clearly, it must not exist.

So I paused. I breathed. And I let the words surface.

The things I hadn’t forgotten, but hadn’t integrated

I was never shown how to love or protect myself without fear.
I still carry weight that isn’t mine.
I struggle to experience deep connection with others.

These aren’t confessions. They’re data points.

And if you’re wondering how any of this relates to forgetfulness, I’ll get there.

How ADHD turns reflection into catastrophising

Reflection, for me, usually starts with a niggly feeling. Something slightly off.

This time, it was real. But not to the extent my ADHD mind wanted to inflate it into a full-scale crisis.

That distinction matters.

Because ADHD doesn’t just affect memory.
It affects perspective.

ADHD, emotional amplification, and perceived threat

When reflection begins to touch old wounds, the ADHD nervous system can interpret that as danger rather than information.

Thoughts speed up.
Context collapses.
Everything feels urgent, heavy, or terminal.

This is how a mild signal becomes a catastrophe.

Nothing had gone wrong.
But my system behaved as if something might go wrong, and treated that as evidence.

Learning to pause inside that moment, rather than obey it, is part of regulation. Not discipline. Not mindset. Regulation.

When hyperfocus crowds out self-care

I had become so focused on self-leadership and integration that the grounding practices quietly slipped.

Not the basics.
The meaningful things.

The self-care that actually fills my cup.

My tweezers and magnified mirror.
My Venus ritual that reconnects me with my self-worth.
Time taken deliberately, rather than time stolen in exhaustion.

Instead, I was running endlessly, trying to complete a hundred jobs in a single day.

And slowly, without noticing, my own needs slid to the bottom of the list.

ADHD and object permanence with self-care

ADHD often gets explained as forgetting objects, tasks, or appointments.

But it also affects internal object permanence.

If a practice isn’t visible, immediate, or actively reinforced, it can quietly disappear from awareness, even if it was once essential.

This doesn’t mean it stopped mattering.
It means it stopped being held in view.

Self-care doesn’t fade because it’s unimportant.
It fades because attention moved elsewhere.

These are not “small” things to forget

This happened while I was dealing with acute illness.
While my children were navigating viral infections.

Those are not small omissions.

They’re big things to forget. And I can accept that I’ll always forget the little things. That’s part of my wiring.

What I won’t accept anymore is forgetting myself.

The difference between burnout and misalignment

Burnout feels like depletion with no relief.

This wasn’t that.

This was misalignment.

I hadn’t lost capacity.
I’d lost contact with what sustains me.

That distinction matters, because burnout requires rest, whereas misalignment requires reorientation.

One is about recovery.
The other is about remembering.

The boundary ADHD forgetfulness keeps testing

I had worked too hard for my self-worth and boundaries to quietly disappear again.

So I’m choosing to honour myself. Not perfectly. But deliberately.

And I’ll say this gently, without preaching:

You are one in a million.
You deserve to treat yourself with the same respect you offer everyone else.

Because if you don’t show yourself how you wish to be treated, the world has no reference point.

Key Takeaways for Adults with ADHD

• Forgetfulness isn’t always about memory. Sometimes it’s about losing sight of progress.

• Hyper-focus can quietly replace meaningful self-care if it goes unchecked.

• Self-worth and boundaries need regular reinforcement, not reminders born from burnout.

If this resonates and you’re noticing similar patterns in yourself, you don’t need fixing. You may just need space to reflect with someone who understands how ADHD, self-leadership, and nervous system awareness intersect.

If you’d like that space, you’re welcome to book a session with me.

No urgency. No pressure. Just an open door.