The Ego Isn’t the Enemy:

Learning to Recognise My Protective Self

Ego has become a loaded word in spiritual spaces.
It’s often painted as something to defeat — a villain to dissolve before enlightenment can begin.
But when I started recognising my own ego, I realised it wasn’t something dark or controlling. It was protective. It was built from everything I’d been through.

Where the Ego Begins

My ego didn’t grow from arrogance; it grew from survival.
From years of misunderstanding, from proving my worth in systems that didn’t value softness or difference. It was the voice that said, keep performing, stay useful, stay safe.

Every time I masked my ADHD traits, or stayed silent when I wanted to speak, the ego stepped in — not to harm me, but to protect me from rejection. It was my nervous system’s armour disguised as personality.

Recognition, Not Rejection

When awakening began, I thought ego death meant losing my identity.
But it wasn’t about loss — it was about recognition.
The ego isn’t a barrier to the soul; it’s a map of where we’ve been hurt and how we learned to cope.

My ego told stories like:

“You’re not doing enough.”

“You’re too sensitive.”

“You’ll lose people if you speak truth.”

I used to believe those stories. Now I meet them with compassion instead of correction. I listen, then decide whether they still serve me.

Ego in the Awakening Process

During awakening, ego recognition feels like friction.
Old identities begin to fall away, and the part of you built for control starts to panic. It resists change because it equates change with danger.

I noticed it most when I tried to rest — the voice that whispered you should be doing more wasn’t ambition; it was fear of stillness. Stillness meant I’d have to feel.

That’s when I realised ego isn’t loud because it’s powerful — it’s loud because it’s scared.

A New Relationship with the Ego

Now I treat my ego the same way I’d treat an anxious child.
I don’t punish it for trying to help me stay safe. I simply let it know I’m in charge now.
That dialogue between my higher self and my protective self is where my peace comes from.

This is what I teach in coaching, too — integration over annihilation.
Because wholeness doesn’t mean silence; it means harmony.

Reflection

The ego doesn’t disappear through healing — it relaxes through safety.
When you meet it with awareness instead of shame, it becomes a translator between your humanity and your divinity.

The goal isn’t to transcend it.
It’s to let it rest.

“The ego is not your shadow; it’s your shield. Once you learn to hold it gently, it stops blocking the light and starts reflecting it.”